Tag: Forties

on first dates

I was 43 when I had my very first date.  Seriously.  I never really dated before. It was more, like, “Hi, I’m Dolores, nice to meet you, wanna live together now?” Then, 3 or 4 months later I am lying in bed next to someone thinking to myself, “How the hell did I get here?” I haven’t lived with THAT many people, but, I did always jump in and then regret it pretty quickly.

After a really unhealthy relationship ended several years ago, I decided I was going to stay single, and learn how to be happy on my own. Anytime, before, in my adult life, that I had been single, I always felt unhappy. So, it was very important to me that I took some time to figure out who I was, what makes me happy and how to love myself.

I didn’t know it was going to be three and a half years before I dated again. That was by choice too. Weird, but also, very cool.

At the end of that three and a half years, I had better self-esteem.  For the first time in my life, I felt good about myself, my life, my past, all of it.  I did a lot of self searching and hard work those years.  I had friends again, and hobbies. That is when I started to realize, “Yeah, it would be pretty cool to meet somebody again, I think I am ready”.

I always said I would never do on line dating. I was too shy and it sounded frightening. But, when I reached that point where I knew I was ready again, I went for it. I set up a couple of profiles. I was scared out of my mind. I thought, “What if no one responds?” I laugh at that now, because it is so easy for a woman on line.

What I discovered is dating is really fun! I enjoy it. I have met so many great men (a few creeps too), but, mostly, it has been a pretty positive experience for me.  It really made me comfortable around men again, it made me realize I can put myself out there with no expectations and still have fun. I discovered I like dating and if something is meant to happen, it will.  If not, well, I’m still having fun meeting people.

My first date.  I was 43.  We met at a coffee shop.  He wanted to go out to dinner, but I needed to meet some place low-key.  We talked for a couple of hours.  It was easier than I thought it was going to be.  He was really nice and easy to talk to.  One of the first things he said was, “Wow, it is nice to meet somebody who actually looks like their pictures!”  Funny.  I think about that experience now and how if it had gone the other way, I probably wouldn’t have gone on another date. Like ever.  Thankfully,  it was a good first date.  I do not remember his name anymore, I just remember it was a good experience and he was sweet.

I’m glad I tried on line dating.  I’m glad I did something that terrified me.  Dating has given me a lot more confidence in myself and showed me I can be open and vulnerable and it is ok.

On line dating has ALSO given me A LOT of great, funny, crazy, (and inappropriate) stories.  Which is pretty awesome too!

I’m not ready to date anyone right now.  I need to get over J first.   But, eventually, I will date again.  I’m still open.

on getting started

Ok, not sure where to start really …

My name is Dolores, I am 46 years old …

I am a woman, I am an alcoholic in recovery, I am a mother without a child, sister, aunt, daughter, friend … I am a survivor of abuse, abandonment and bad decisions … and tons of other shit too.  I want to share my story … my stories … because for so long I lived in fear and shame about who I was. I kept so many secrets and didn’t know who I was, really, or my purpose.  I lived in a state of depression and self loathing most of my life.  Today, I am free, I love myself, I am relatively happy most days. I don’t consider myself a victim of anyone or anything. I don’t think I have any profound wisdom, but I do have a lot to share, just like anyone does, maybe no one will read this, maybe it will just be for myself, who knows?  Maybe it will speak to somebody.

We all have stories to share.

I was born in 1972 at Good Sam hospital in Northwest Portland. I lived on Pettygrove street until my parents divorced when I was 5. I remember the arguing, I remember missing my dad, I like to joke that I have been cynical about relationships since I was 5 … kinda true sometimes … funny though.

Anyway, their divorce hit me hard for a long time … say, 35 years … along with a lot of other crazy stuff, too … then everything got better for me when I turned 40 … I finally grew up, got sober 12 days after my 40th birthday and I took charge of my life.  I realized I have choices.  My whole perspective on pretty much everything started to change … which is one reason why I always say that my 40’s have been the best years of my life.  Some people look at me like I am freakin’ crazy for actually liking myself in my 40’s … cause, come on, we live in a society that is obsessed with youth, so why the hell would someone actually PREFER their 40’s over their 20’s, right? Well, I really do, and I know lots of other women … and men … that do as well.

I plan to write about the subjects I know: being a woman, being a single, never married (but ok with it) woman over 40, being a mom without a child, adoption, recovery, addiction, depression, bipolar disorder, divorce, relationships, sex, abuse, abandonment, bad decisions, good decisions, low self-esteem, healthy self-esteem, and lots of other stuff too. I have wanted to join the blogging world for awhile, so, today is a good day to start.