Ok, not sure where to start really …

My name is Dolores, I am 46 years old …

I am a woman, I am an alcoholic in recovery, I am a mother without a child, sister, aunt, daughter, friend … I am a survivor of abuse, abandonment and bad decisions … and tons of other shit too.  I want to share my story … my stories … because for so long I lived in fear and shame about who I was. I kept so many secrets and didn’t know who I was, really, or my purpose.  I lived in a state of depression and self loathing most of my life.  Today, I am free, I love myself, I am relatively happy most days. I don’t consider myself a victim of anyone or anything. I don’t think I have any profound wisdom, but I do have a lot to share, just like anyone does, maybe no one will read this, maybe it will just be for myself, who knows?  Maybe it will speak to somebody.

We all have stories to share.

I was born in 1972 at Good Sam hospital in Northwest Portland. I lived on Pettygrove street until my parents divorced when I was 5. I remember the arguing, I remember missing my dad, I like to joke that I have been cynical about relationships since I was 5 … kinda true sometimes … funny though.

Anyway, their divorce hit me hard for a long time … say, 35 years … along with a lot of other crazy stuff, too … then everything got better for me when I turned 40 … I finally grew up, got sober 12 days after my 40th birthday and I took charge of my life.  I realized I have choices.  My whole perspective on pretty much everything started to change … which is one reason why I always say that my 40’s have been the best years of my life.  Some people look at me like I am freakin’ crazy for actually liking myself in my 40’s … cause, come on, we live in a society that is obsessed with youth, so why the hell would someone actually PREFER their 40’s over their 20’s, right? Well, I really do, and I know lots of other women … and men … that do as well.

I plan to write about the subjects I know: being a woman, being a single, never married (but ok with it) woman over 40, being a mom without a child, adoption, recovery, addiction, depression, bipolar disorder, divorce, relationships, sex, abuse, abandonment, bad decisions, good decisions, low self-esteem, healthy self-esteem, and lots of other stuff too. I have wanted to join the blogging world for awhile, so, today is a good day to start.